As a mother of a neurodivergent five-year-old, let’s call her Lilly, I find myself engaged in daily conversations about the importance of school and why it’s a nonnegotiable part of her life. Initially, I thought this was just a typical exchange between a parent and a Kindergartner. However, an experience in the carpool drop-off line recently opened my eyes to a deeper reality.
Today, I watched Lilly silently shed tears of defeat as she expressed, “I don’t want to go to school; the teachers pick on me.” At that moment, my heart broke. I felt like I was the ringleader of her emotional turmoil instead of the protective mama bear I strive to be.
The Teacher Connection
What’s important to note is that Lilly’s teacher is phenomenal—a veteran educator with whom I have an established relationship, having taught my older daughter last year. This teacher is undoubtedly the MVP on Team Lilly. Yet, despite this positive connection, Lilly interprets her school experience as emotionally unsafe.
Understanding Perception of Safety
After dropping off my girls and wiping away my own tears, I couldn’t shake the realization that we often overlook how students perceive their learning environment. As parents and educators, we check all the boxes—attending countless professional development sessions and implementing various strategies to create emotional safety. But how do students like Lilly interpret this environment? And how do these perceptions manifest outside the classroom?
The Challenge of Communication
For my family, this situation is particularly challenging. Lilly faces social and emotional delays, along with speech impediments that hinder her ability to communicate her needs and feelings effectively. When I ask her complex questions involving “why” or try to get to the root of her anxiety, I often find myself at a loss. Instead of clarity, I am met with tears as she clings to me, seeking comfort.
Moving Forward
Here are some steps that might help both parents and educators create a more emotionally safe environment for neurodivergent children:
Foster Open Communication: Encourage children to express their feelings. Create a safe space for them to share their thoughts, even if they can’t articulate everything clearly.
Listening Beyond Words: Pay attention to body language and emotional cues. Sometimes, a child’s silence, fidgeting, or avoidance can convey more than spoken words. By tuning in to these signals, we can better understand their needs.
Creating a Safe Space: Foster an environment where children feel free to express herself without fear of judgment. Encourage her to share her thoughts, no matter how they come across. This helps build their confidence in communicating.
Validation is Key: When Lilly communicates in her unique way, acknowledging her efforts is vital. Whether it’s a simple nod, a smile, or a verbal affirmation, showing that you hear and see her can make a world of difference.
Build Emotional Vocabulary: Help children develop a vocabulary for their emotions. Simple tools like emotion charts can empower them to express themselves.
Engage with Educators: Collaborate with teachers to share concerns and insights about your child’s experience. Get curious about where emotions are coming from before assuming we know because “we know our kids.” This partnership can help tailor support to meet their unique needs.
Encourage Peer Connections: Support opportunities for your child to form friendships. Positive social interactions can help foster a sense of belonging.
Teach Coping Strategies: Equip your child with coping techniques for managing anxiety, such as deep breathing or visualization.
Model Resilience: Share your own experiences with challenges and coping mechanisms to help them understand that it’s okay to seek help.
Regular Check-Ins: Have consistent discussions about their school experiences to reinforce that their feelings are valid and important.
Understanding how our children perceive their environment is key to ensuring they feel safe and supported. As parents, we must advocate for our kids and work collaboratively with educators to create a nurturing space where they can thrive emotionally and academically.
For Lilly and children like her, feeling safe in school is not just about policies or programs—it’s about genuine understanding, curiosity, support and cultivating a sense of belonging. Together, we can build a community that fosters emotional safety for all students, helping them navigate the challenges of school and beyond.
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